June 1, Wednesday night

Went to boxcar arcade again today. It's a really fun place to loiter around
while I wait my turn on a machine. Took the bus there but walked back and
ate at the cookout. I'm decent at street fighter but I played it sparingly
today, instead I sat on the Initial D machine most of the time. finished
sailor moon I today on the bus this morning, started last thursday when I
popped a tab of acid.  Really like the art; the second and third are sitting
in a box at my house. Will be going home Friday to get it and hit the "Lost
Ark" arcade in Greensboro.

My classes are going well, except that sometimes I'm drowned in their work
and then at other times I am spending an afternoon reading and watching
田中くんはいつもけだるげ。 毎日十五言葉習う。でもこれは時々難しい。Since I
do a lot of stuff otherwise. The best way I've found to balance it is to
strictly seperate schoolwork from my time afterschool, which is for fun. I
do my homework in the student center after lunch then walk back the mile to
my 5-week apartment. I had hated and despised everyone in the student union
who worked on schoolwork/browsed facebook instead but now I only deeply
loathe 図書館人, as they smell as if they would say, "sure is a lot of work
today" each and every day because they never get a damn thing done but just
sit and imagine they are at the cusp of finishing the little work they fuck
I can't even stay in the "study commons" for very long without getting mad.
I last went to the library to check out a book on the esthetics of shadows
by Tanizaki.

Almost every weekday since last monday I've showered twice because I feel so
dirty at the end of a muggy north carolina day. On the way back from cookout
tonight when the sun set I felt a little sad. It's probably because all the
people I loved to do things with have all gone home. Then I thought of
having a girlfriend or somebody to fold into would help but I immediately I
realize my melancholy (うさ) was a problem that only I could solve because
it seems fundamental within myself. Maybe the issue is that I never talk of
the very real things with anybody now that the goons have gone back to
███████████. But time passes at a remarkable pace and half of the semester
has already gone by.

I am still on to be an engineering village menory next semester. It seems
also that my grades this summer term will come out well to keep my GPA above
3.0, though not without some consequence: I always concern myself with time.
How long did it take me to walk here, how long have I been on the bus, etc,
and I hate it. It's an awful obsession and it feels like it will only worsen
with time, and if I chose to ignore the time I would feel a lot better but
where would I be? I would not, for one, be an engineering mentor. Nor would
I have the opportunity to study abroad in Japan my 3rd spring here. I hate
that it has such a grip on me but I know that if I fall into a glorious
routine then time no longer has its stressful dominance over me.

So for now, I am eating an early breakfast, walking to class then 3 classes
in a row, then grab some snack at the convenience store and work on my
homework/projects or whatever then eat dinner, sit and think about the day
and this kind of musing, then walk home. I refuse to take the bus on a
routine day like above that makes me feel like something I should be doing
is pressing mefor time and I know that is never the case because everyting
that needed to be done I had gotten done earlier.

— The thoughts of a recovering high school student, or "Rolling Boys",
a きょうようしょうせつ set to really good and old Japanese punk.