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Category: Diary
Tags: Time I

June-20

Monday, June 20

Couldn't fall asleep very fast last night because I was halfway excited for the final I took this morning. Woke up at 5:30 as has been usual for the past week and went to Fountain for breakfast (clark dining hall was closed). Just kids with their necklaces that distinguish which camp they're with were awake, and their overseers. Really, I think I'm the only one on campuswho goes here until I get to class. Anyway the final was really easy and had no trouble whatsoever with it. Then I went to Carmichael gym and picked things up and I saw a large group of girls while I was stretching out in the hallway walk into that dance studio. They made a great noise as they walked up the steps and filed into the studio. . . I should learn that other people do not take so much notice of me, or put so much stock into me as I egoistically think.

Otherwise I plated more KS, finished Sailor Moon II, and studied 日本語. What I still don't get is how my suitemates get by.

If I'm studying extracurricular and musing like this, what worthwhile things are they doing? They seem to me a new race of people who only sit in their room. I'm never sure if they're home most of the time. I leave my door open all the time I'm not watching anime and still I only hear their doors open hardly often when they breeze down the hallway to microwave their uncrustables or even more proactively put a Digornios pizza in the oven. Honestly, I realize I've been stuck on this issue since I came to university. But since I'm not living that way, why do I care so much about it? Maybe, I think now, it is so I do not slip into such a way of life that so well defined my own in high school

I played no sports like I had in junior high, so my extracurricular life was pretty empty. I was in the marching band however. which helped me get acquainted with at least some people. Now, in my tenor saxophone spot is a promising sophomore (junior next semester) named ████. From what I've heard he really enjoys playing the saxophone and practices outside of class. In every other sense we are essentialy self-same but in this he is far more motivated than I. It feels that I would go home and waste away my time on my Playstation 3. It's something I should have grown out of long before then, maybe when I graduated junior high. Luckily, the online classes I took at school left me a lot of free time. Just browsing the internet didn't really appeal to me, so, under the dangerous influenc of my AP English class, I picked up █████ ██████'s █. I still have the copy I scrawled in with the pen I normally write in. of course, as my first extracurricular book in a handful of years, I didn't understand it for what █████ meant but what ideas I did find I clung to, and they helped me in waking from a long slumber.

A few months later a friend introduced me to ██████ after I hounded him during a pathfinder session about what anime he watched, as I'd never been into that stuff thankfully. I watched it over twelved days and immediately I fell in love with it and the medium. I'm still careful as I was then to not watch more than how much I prescribe. Otherwise I will not enjoy any of it.

The second semester of my senior year was very rich in other ways also, profiting from what I guess was the ruins of the cathartic experience of applyin to colleges. The prospect of having your entire future reshaped again over and over by a single decision to go here or there is profound at least, and maybe before I'd heard of Freud's cathartic theory (just an "modern" inspection of greek tragedy) it had impacted me in a fundamental sense. █████ and I would stay up very late after our pathfinder sessions and run to wafflehouse or bojangles then sleep away our classes. It was, for me, the perfect conclusion to something I started with the intent to just get through.

Now, when I ask why I'm going to college, the answer is to make money to support myself and my close others later on. But within computer engineering there is something I'm passionate about that I found early in high school. I really enjoy hardware-level programming, like x86 opcode stuff. It's hard to be as excited about that as it is over books or philosophy club or the arcade but it's not a passion to ignore.

Well at least one of my suitemates came back from football practice, so there is still some hope floating around.

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