jan_undated2

Category: Diary
Tags: I Today

January 2017

Saw an episode of Mr. Robot today and started Madoka again. I'm so completely empty, sad, pointedly aware and keenly out of it all that I couldn't describe it all except

Mahler's No. 5 — IV Adagietto

It's too much for me to shoulder now. I nearly lost it on the way to brush my teeth but I heard voices. From the room next to mine. Rationalism, religion, big weighty — I stopped in the hallway just to hear it all. The I overflowed with a silent fit of laughter — how could I not — you would have done the same. I've never felt more dead/alive. This is a new experience.

I've banished the everyday just for a few hours. What really soured me today was seeing █████. There is no person I've ever wanted to see more and yet when we meet I always feel uncomfortable, I am not comfortable with myself because I have so much to say but the bubbling emotional fountain sounds so compromising in the physical and I've never said anything close to that to any other person. Does █████ know how much of an influence █████ has been, how great a friend █████ has been? oh I'm getting starting to...