Greetings from scenic,

prettyboytellem.com

Category: Diary
Tags: Something I

Undated

july

So tired of Summer

Maybe this is just a sacrifice, a small price to pay in a transaction which leaves me much wealthier later on. But wealthy in what? My internship sets me up to be a better employee of course, but this kind of work is something I'd never grow to even put up with, forget the money at that point. The work is and 8-5, 5-day a week job, the kind with coffee and polos and air-conditioning. I draft electrical designs in CAD all day with everyone. Other parts of the company seem new, fresh, where you get to meet other people and help them w/ w/e problem they have but the CAD dept. is a slow 40 hours/week.

In summary, I cannot think of anything I would rather do less than sit at a desk like this.

In my time at home, I've been writing the back-end for my website which has really drained me because now, close to the end I'm not sure why I forsake all my freetime to do something so stupid, moot, utterly pointless. I've grown to hate my website, I've grown slowly to hate everything I made because I made it.

I hate my coffee, it's too familiar

I hate my habits, they're too familiar

I hate the way I say I'll do something and never follow through

I hate the computer

I hate the internet

Most of all, I hate my vanity, my shallow nature, most of my idols, almost everything I've ever made and almost everything I've ever been: shy, non-commital, computer savvy, flippand and paradoxical, I even hate the feeleng that I resent so much of me because it seems trivial that if I really hated myself so thoroughly that I'd change something fundamental but I haven'tL I haven't done shit, nothing, not even a single thing to overcome my vanity, resentment, that bad taste I have. But enough of this.

I put the music back on so maybe I'll feel a little better.

The liveboard is set to open on August 16th, one month from now. I'm in love with the idea but I can't believe how long this summer is. I've put in so much time into the development of this node.js and seen no return yet. I've seen at least 2 communities turn to shit (one dead, one full of 4chan-like noncontent) in the past month. I'm banning all noncontent shit on sight.

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