Greetings from scenic,

Category: Diary
Tags: Day Tomorrow

Berkeley (That's Where I Stay)

A lot's happened in the past few days: I'm in Berkeley (that's where I stay!), California for the next few months.

When I got back from Germany and went upstairs to sleep in the (new!) server-room I found it nearly 98 Fahr.; the batteries in the AC controller had corroded so that, despite being powered purely by mains, the controller would throw a fit and reboot upon being touched. Further it no longer controlled anything, especially the AC, except a little LED light on top.

After swapping out the AA batteries I packed a little and went to bed (having just gotten in that afternoon and being ass-hurting levels of exhausted from the 10 hour jet back). Then I ventured the following morning to Raleigh where I was set to fly out the next day. Incidentally my boyfriend also lives in Raleigh so I stayed at his place.

Not giving my ass a break for 3 days in a row I flew out the next morning; I scarcely made it through TSA in time to board, literally running through the airport and knocking over women, children, teens and young adults to reach my gate before the doors had closed. I made it, luckily.

Arriving in Phoenix another 5 hours my ass was on fire; I was also about to starve, as the last thing I had was a plate of tacos I shared with my boyfriend; it was a large meal, make no mistake, but that was a full day ago. I had no time to eat anything (filling or not) because I needed to make my connection. Then one final bout of up then down again and I was landed in San Jose.

Lugging my bags to the transit center I first boarded a bus for Santa Clara then transfered to the CalTrain which took me into San Francisco. Then it was up to the Berkeley Marina where I holed up for the next two nights, taking the day to wander here and there around the city. I found a little store which sells native-language manga and monthly magazines, I bought a few to read on the train.

Honestly it's like being back in my favorite place: metros, cityscapes, streets full with people and cars. Reading on the metro, curling my hand into my head and breathing slowly, looking outward from the universe of the train car onto the universe outside, the coughs and gentle noises of the people inside layering onto the water-puddle of fog and trees and sun outside, like oil on water, reflecting the captivating iridescence into my eye as we ride by the married scene.

But in many ways it's so much more than what I'd known before: trees, parks, the ever-present fog which hangs over the city and clouds out the sun. And the UC Berkeley campus is beautiful (though I've heard it's only that way for people who don't go there), I feel so good walking around campus on a sunny day that some times I wish I could have done my degree here.


There is so much to do here. Maybe it's because I've never walked around and experienced Raleigh by walking everywhere but there are a metric shit-ton of shops, libraries, little record stores, grocery stores, convenience stores, etc. etc. For instance, I walked to a pleasant ramen shop called Ramen Shop today. Of course it was a little bit of a hike (maybe half an hour by foot) but it was totally worth it; they were playing Nas's N.Y. State of Mind when I walked inside, to give you an idea of the American atmosphere, but it was all well-placed. I sat directly in front of the chefs' counter which concealed the lower halfs of maybe six or seven busy aproned men. It was really an eye-opening experience: as I sat there sipping whatever beer I had with my noodles (I made a conscious effort to purge the brand from my memory) I looked first far, far left, as far left as I could see, then, slowly turned right, scanning the entire restaurant. I'm not sure quite what I was looking for but I did find a few things.

I was completely alone. Actually as this has been the case since I came to Cali. it would be more correct to say I was still alone but no thought ever so struck me until that moment. Not exactly the friendliest thought, it stuck with me for a while. Then immediately when I felt the most vulnerable and drowned by the too-close voices I remembered that there is a whole host of far-removed people who in a madoka-esque sense care for me, no matter how far away we are, they in some weird sense really just want to make sure I'm doing my best, feeling good, and ready to tackle whatever's next on my plate.

In particular there is one person I care for the most; we talked to each other earlier that day and partly because we talk so often and collectively trace our pale-blue thoughts and muse about how important we are to each other and partly owing to some completely inexplicable pull simply named love I was struck that although I'm alone for now it's not going to be that way for very long. Verily I planned this Summer in San Francisco ahead of us being us, and we both (now) mourn what an unfortunate decision that became, a single decision which separates us in space for a full two months.

But what more could it be than unfortunate? Just something to deal with, a consequence which neither of us could predict would ever have an impact on us, let alone predict that an us would ever be more than two people in a room, maybe looking at each other at opposite times through sideways glances but never anything more than that. It's weird how unpredictable it all is; I suppose if one would get cozy with that fact one could begin to lose that feeling of future-anxiety I feel when I think about tomorrow, the next day, the next day, etc. etc. But I've been learning (perhaps being taught) that worrying over things like this is not worth the worry it causes you; there's no use rationalizing that things like this are "trivial" or anything: actually what happens tomorrow may be the least trivial thing to ever happen. But save that for tomorrow; don't even bother getting ready for it because that causes a great deal of worry today for something which may well never happen tomorrow anyhow. But instead prepare for the things which must happen someday and forget that tomorrow is anything more than a dream; when tomorrow becomes today you'll know more than you ever wanted to know about it anyway.


Even aside from my #1 I also have a #2, #3, #4, etc. etc. Keep track of what you have and make sure you count it well; I sure like to be counted and I'm sure your friends enjoy being remembered and reminded how important they are every once in a while too.

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